The title says it, Tough Love is tough to use effectively on those we love.
It works because it is relentless. We methodically cause pain to the receipient, and the recipient is one we love.
How can we do this , and why would we do this. None of us want to hurt a loved one, each of us feels pain when they feel pain. True fact, but sometimes inorder for a loved one to see themselves, we have to help them actually ''see themselves'' as if in a distorted mirror....unattractive but a fact.
How do we apply Tough Love?
We apply it in a group. Family members and loved ones. We gather the facts, the truths, and each one, one at a time, confront the loved one with details of how they feel and how they are affecting them.
They will deny anything you say. They will resent your saying it. Ignore them. Keep on your path of destruction to one you love, because in order to reach them, you have to knock down the shell that they have put around themselves, and as if you were breaking cement, little by little, pound by pound of your words on their ears, they will hear you, understand you , and heal.
Is this easy:
No! it is one of the most difficult things a person might have to do in their lifetime. Causing such pain, as to cause a loved one to burst into tears, and then to watch them collapse and fold until their limp bodies just lie there, sobbing with all their might.
What steps do we take?
1. Have a meeting with family members and friends who want to help.
2. Talk to each other, and take notes of what the loved one is doing, to harm herself, and her relationship with others.
3. Decide what each one will say, that is appropriate to the matter. Make sure that no two people say the same thing. It can be similiar but not the same. Repeating themselves will only cause more stress.
4. Listen to what the loved one has to say. Do not agree with them. Keep repeating your accusations over and over again. Do not give in..Remain firm in your thoughts and your feelings ...never waiver.
5. Each person takes a turn. Each person speaks their own mind. Each person looks at the loved one and does not falter.
6. Do this each one at a time. Pound the truth as you see it, as you all see it, and wait. Wait for the loved one to quiver, cry, and shout. They might have what seems like a tantrum. It wil hurt you to see it and hear it. Be steadfast.
Only by doing this does the other one really hear what they are doing. Only by battering them with the truth, words only, can they truly feel their wrong doing.
Remember, you are going to cause them to heal. Sometimes we have to hurt someone before they can heal.
This is why they call it ''Tough Love''' ...because it is not an easy way to help someone, it is indeed ''Tough''...but you might have just saved their life.
